For many adolescents, having “had sex” equals having had penetrative intercourse. Several say they had sex the first time mainly to avoid being the one who “hasn’t done it” — not because it felt right in the moment.
This emerges in a new study by researchers Rikke Tokle and Kari Stefansen at NOVA (OsloMet). They have examined how young people understand and talk about their sexual debut — and what lies behind their decision to have sex for the first time.
The findings, based on interviews with upper secondary-school students (17–19-year-olds) were published in the scientific journal Sexuality & Culture.
A narrow definition of debut
– Across gender and sexual orientation, the young people we spoke with defined sexual debut as penetrative sex, Stefansen says. – That means other experiences often “don’t count,” even though they can feel just as intimate, she adds.
The debut age among the young people in the study ranged from 13 to 17 years.
Tokle and Stefansen divide the young people’s accounts into five different “debut projects”.
1. To “get it over with” – often at a party
The most common project is about “getting it over with,” and is based on 46 accounts. Sex often happens at a party, often with alcohol and a random partner. Several describe the experience as clumsy or embarrassing, and some girls report pain.
Pressure from friends can increase the pace, the researchers write, and make young people enter situations before they themselves feel ready.
– Some young people attach great social significance to having had sex. It is about appearing “in the know” in the friend group, about being able to drink when the obligatory questions about sex come up in drinking games at parties, Tokle says.
– The experience of group pressure often increases in upper secondary school and seemed to push young people into a kind of “ready mode”.
Many of the accounts revolve around seizing the first opportunity – typically at a party, even if they are drunk or do not really like the other person particularly well. With the goal of getting it over with, pleasure is subordinate anyway.
It is primarily about getting rid of the stigma that some experience as attached to being a virgin, rooted in a widespread misconception that everyone else has “done it”.
– In the rush, they may also overlook the other person, Tokle says.
A “yes” does not always mean that everything feels okay afterwards. Young people can engage in consensual sex for different reasons – to be liked, to gain social belonging, or to avoid being pestered.– Researcher Rikke Tokle, NOVA
2. Strengthen an intimate relationship
Another project is about strengthening a romantic relationship. Several described this as the “ideal debut”. The first time often happens while they are sober, in calm surroundings with a boyfriend/girlfriend, or someone they are in love with.
But the study also shows that expectations can clash. In some stories, one person hopes for a relationship, while the other only wants sex. Several girls talk about disappointment and shame when contact stops abruptly afterwards.
3. Abstain from sex during adolescence
Some choose to wait with sex, ideally until they are married. Faith and belonging to a community with restrictive sexual norms play a role. Several describe that they have to steer clear of situations where sex can easily happen, such as parties with a lot of alcohol.
4. Out of desire
Some, but relatively few – and only boys in this study – report debuting because they are horny or curious. In several of these stories, the debut happens quickly. That can lead to poor communication, and some regret it afterwards.
– There are some, but surprisingly few, in the sample who say that desire and curiosity drove them, Tokle says. – It is also interesting that it is only boys who reported this as the reason for having sex for the first time.
5. To figure themselves out
Several queer young people say that they debuted in order to understand themselves and their sexual identity. Some had intercourse with the opposite sex to have a debut that others “approve” of, even though they liked people of the same sex.
Across gender and sexual orientation, the young people we spoke with defined sexual debut as penetrative sex.– Researcher Kari Stefansen, NOVA
More than consent
According to the researchers, the study shows that a “yes” does not always mean that everything feels okay afterwards. Young people can engage in consensual sex for different reasons – to be liked, to gain social belonging, or to avoid being pestered.
Taken together, the different debut projects show that sexual debut in adolescence is not only about physical desire or sexual curiosity, but also about finding one’s place socially, understanding who one is, and living up to expectations linked to gender.
The study further shows that when young people enter sexual situations with different goals and expectations, when it feels urgent, or when the actions are largely directed toward what others – such as friends and peers – will think or say, this can lead to sexual encounters that are experienced as uncomfortable or unfair, even if they cannot necessarily be described as sexual assault.
The concept of “unethical sex” can be useful for understanding these experiences. Therefore, it is not enough just to teach young people about sexual consent, the researchers argue.
Schools and parents should also encourage conversations about pressure, expectations and boundary-setting – to strengthen young peoples’ sexual agency and ability to say “not now” without feeling ashamed.
Reference
Tokle, R. & Stefansen, K. (2025). Sexual Debut Projects: Navigating Identity, Desire, and Risk in Youth Sexual Culture. Sexuality & Culture (link.springer.com).
About the study
The article is based on data from UngSex, a new qualitative interview study of young people aged 17–19. Between 2022–2024, close to 130 personal interviews were conducted with young people from various upper secondary schools in Oslo, Bergen, and four smaller towns and local communities in Norway.
UngSex is a sub-project under the project “Sexual Culture in Youth,” led by NOVA researcher Rikke Tokle. The aim of the project is to examine how young people negotiate, experience and handle issues related to sexuality, sexual health and risk – considering both today’s youth culture and other societal and social conditions.
